I’ve been talking a lot lately about the fact that 2024 has been a rough year so far. Four years into the adventure of working for myself, I’ve discovered that what I thought was a plan was mostly just some hopes and dreams and maybe a little magical thinking. So, I’m figuring out what’s next. And I’m pursuing things which don’t always work out. And I’m putting myself out there and what comes back is a lot of no. A LOT of no.

For many years, I was a person who took no as a condemnation of who I was. I was insecure and unsure and a desperately wanted everyone to approve of me and like me. Because I didn’t like myself that much, I needed validation from those around me, and hearing yes was, to me, like hearing I was worthy. The idea that someone, anyone, wanted me in any capacity was what kept me going. So I took jobs that weren’t ideal, and got into relationships that weren’t ideal and just in general built a life that wasn’t ideal. It happens.

Eventually, I started figuring out that I had to like me before anyone else could, and I started changing the aspects of my life that didn’t support my self esteem and self worth. That’s still a work in progress. It’s a daily battle to not be too hard on myself, to not sink into thinking I’m worthless, to stand up for what I know I want and deserve in my life. It’s also an ongoing learning process as I develop the mental and emotional tools I need.

One of the biggest tools I’ve developed is reframing the word no. For me, for a long time, no was a full stop, an end, a “you’re not worth it, and we don’t want you.” No crushed me. And then I started to realize that sometimes instead of “no”, I got a “yes”. Or even a “maybe” which at least had some possibility to it. And I started realizing that no wasn’t period, end of sentence. Instead it was a comma, and something could come after it. Really, all “no” meant was “next opportunity”.

So, that’s how I frame it these days. No isn’t the end, it’s simply a clause in the sentence and what comes after it is the next opportunity I pursue. And I’m fully aware that most of the opportunities I pursue will probably end in no. That doesn’t scare me though. There are always more opportunities to be found, or made.

As long as I don’t let “no” stop me.